Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas-- the Radio Stations

Sounds like the new GTA is going to have a pretty cool selection of radio stationsto choose from, after all. And I was thinking it was all going to end up being west coast gangsta rap....

I'll put the falafel on your pussy.

So says Bill O'Reilly.

Uhh, guh-ross.

I advice you to read the whole court document, cuz, well, it's alternately wildly entertainly and nauseating. I really didn't wanna think about Bill O'Reilly owning a vibrator, but not that I know, I'd be happy to read more salacious details.....

"Married By America" Draws Ire of Prudish FCC

I don't know what's worse--- sitting through Fox's 2003 reality program "Married By America" (which I watched religiously), or the fact that Fox is now being
retroactively fined by the FCC for airing it. The show involved singles who were so desperate to find true love that they left their fate in the hands of Fox viewers, who would then call in and vote on a choice of a mate for them. The potential spousal pool started off on the large side; a contestant's friends and family were then asked to whittle down the group to the 2 most suitable mates, and then we voted. I vividly remember trying to vote for the person I thought would be the WORST match of the two for the person--and I kind of figured Fox HAD to know that its viewership would do that. After all, it's FOX! So when the resulting episodes detailing the developing relationships of the newly engaged couples turned out of be duller than anything imaginable I was not pleased. Where was the lurid sexuality, the tumultuous fights, and all the other fun stuff? It wasn't on Married By America, but not the FCC is saying it was. The episode in question, I guess, is one in which the about-to-be-married folks were treated to bachelor/bachelorette parties, and things got a little "steamy". There was some whipped cream licking, a guy in his underpants, and a gal doing a lap dance. Nothing very exciting in the least; it was about the most cliched representation of a bachelor/bachelorette shindig that I could think of. And now they're getting FINED for it?! There are far racier scenes on some of those crime/cop melodramas out there. This just bothers me, as this has the potential to create something of a slippery slope effect with other reality-based TV shows. If the FCC is going to just randomly enforce these new "decency" standards, the resulting outcome could be that we only end up being able to see the types of shows that people associated with that office find morally O.K--and that is not O.K by me, sorry.
And I'm getting a little tired of the argument that these fines are necessary to "protect the children". That is the parents job, not the mass media. It's not like these kids are not going to ultimately end up learning about sexy matters-- they're probably going to end up like Dan and I-- sneaking off to check out soft-core porn on Cinemax when the rest of the family is sound asleep. It happens.
If the show had been called like, "Banged by America", then maybe I'd agree that they should maybe move it to cable--but come on. Are they going to fine "Are You Hot" next? What about the Bachelor? Just last week, manly-looking Krysta hopped into the Bachelor pool stark nekkid and said how much she wanted to have sex with Byron. Of course, her privates were blurred, but we all knew she was without clothes. Bare asses are on primetime dramas, too. Where will the madness end?

Badnarik, Cobb Arrested!

In case anyone cares (and you should!), Michael Badnarik and David Cobb, the respective Libertarian and Green Party presidential nominees, were arrested in St. Louis on Friday as they tried to cross the police line protecting the presidential debate. Ralph Nader, I'm not sure where he was; he was probably sitting at home in his fruit o' the looms in front of the TV with a plate of Quorn nuggets, grumbling swear words or something.

Did you forget Poland?

The above is pretty funny, and so is this.

The Parasite Pals

And who will bring me brandy next time I'm stranded in the Alps?

The monks of the Saint Bernard hospice are selling off the remaining dogs who bear their name. If you buy one though, you have to be willing to trek it back to Switzerland for the summers, so the tourists can still see the dogs in their native habitat. Personally, I'd love to have one. If you get too cold, they lay on top of you. They pull you out of snowdrifts. They look really intimidating, but they really just wanna be your pal.
And folks, they do not, I REPEAT, do NOT, make good table meat. Do not eat the St. Bernards, they are helpers.

Guh-ross--Billy Joel Weds; or Leering, Dirty Old Celebrity is Rewarded with Child-Bride

The first time I saw the above photo, or one similar to it, I thought it was Billy Joel with his young daughter. But a second glance proved me wrong, that's Billy Joel's 23 year old BRIDE. That's some serious cradle-robbin', Mr. Piano Man. (His daughter is apparently only 18, BTW).
Maybe it grosses me out because this gal is 4 years younger than me, and BJ is 6 years older than *my* dad. Also, the idea of being a step-mom to someone who you could have gone to high school with has got to be a little awkward.

The First Feingold-Michels debate

Note to Tim Michels: You want to know the reason Russ Feingold has been able to raise 8 million dollars in this election cycle? Because most of Wisconsin is so FLIPPIN' SCARED that you might actually win the election. Especially considering that Feingold has no multi-million dollar "family business" to fall back onto when he needs to make another campaign ad or print up a batch of bumper stickers-- it's the ordinary working people of Wisconsin who are paying for his campaign in checks of $25 or $100 a pop. And that's the way it should be. Sometimes you just can't buy your way into office--sorry.

In his ads, and even in the debate-- Michels continues to lie through his teeth, misrepresenting everything Feingold stands for. I don't know if the truth hasn't sank in yet, or if he's deliberately trying to be malicious.

Tonight made me realize how lucky Wisconsin is to have a principled, hard-working man like Feingold in their corner--the only guy with enough balls to stand up to the freedom-hating Patriot Act. I've never once been personally proud of a politician representing my particular district (granted, when you're from Illinois this probably is a given), but that's all changed now. If Wisconsin screws this one up, I'm moving to Minnesota.

No eggs for egg-fight reenactment

Aw damn. Egg Harbor, Wisconsin (a pretty little town in the Door County peninsula) was all set to reenact the legendary "egg fight" that occured in the adjoining harbor that spawned the town's name, when some ol' fuddy duddies got all concerned about possible environmental implications. Couldn't they just put down some plastic sheets or something? Or like stage the fight on a backdrop of fake water? There's got to be a way to work real eggs into this thing. Otherwise, are they going to change their name to Plastic Egg Harbor?